My Bawdy Valentine :: Saucy Storytelling Celebrates its Eighth

If you're tired of the prescriptive nature of Valentine's Day (the purchasing of teddy bears, the making of Italian reservations, the writing of bad poetry), then forget V-day. Have a me-day. Check out "Bawdy Storytelling" - the show where people get on stage and tell true stories of sexual adventure - as it celebrates its eighth anniversary at the Verdi Club on February 13.

For those who aren't familiar with Bawdy, each show has a theme that performers adhere to - like "Talk Nerdy to Me," "Cheapskate Sex & Cut-Rate Coitus," or "Uncharted Territory." Usually, there's one show a night, but for the eighth anniversary, there's gonna be back to back shows with different themes. The 7:30 show's theme is "Easy" and will feature amateur storytellers, while the 10:30 show's theme will be "All The Way" and have experienced performers. As for who is in the lineup, that won't be revealed until a couple days before the event. So check out Bawdy's website and Facebook for details.

Bawdy has really taken off in recent years, with shows in Seattle and Los Angeles, and performances by sex icons like Dan Savage of the Savage Lovecast, famous porn star Annie Sprinkle and cuddle party creator, Reed Mihalko. And this year, Bawdy was part of SF Sketchfest on January 31.

But despite Bawdy's notable line-ups, it's most famous for putting the average Janes and Joes into the limelight to confess their dirty secrets to a crowd.

Bawdy's founder and host, Dixie De La Tour, always makes it a point to include a wide range of sexualities in her show, but she finds herself wishing that more queer people would pitch her stories. Some of the best tales she's ever heard at Bawdy were from queer storytellers.

"There was this one queer guy who told a story about how he was raised very Catholic. And he always knew he was never going to have sex as a young man," De La Tour said. "He knew that gay sex was a sin against God and he wanted to meet his grandma in Heaven. And he was seduced by a guy named Jesus. Ha!"

De La Tour knows how scary it is to tell a story, so she makes sure the crowd roars for every performer. And if the audience doesn't cheer loud enough, De La Tour will stand there and tell them to scream louder until the whole crowd is hoo-ha-ing.

"My job as a host is to make sure everybody appreciates the fact that you're doing something that's boundary pushing for you," De La Tour said. "It's hard to get up on stage. Public speaking is terrifying for a lot of people. It's even terrifying or me."

If you're nervous about attending such a raunchy affair, it may be worth it to face your fears. Word on the street is... Bawdy gets you laid.

Singer/songwriter Rachel Lark, who frequently opens for Bawdy shows, wrote a song called "Bawdy Got Me Laid," which she even included on her 2014 album, "Lark After Dark."

"There's a pervert out there for you, if you're brave enough to share," Lark sings. "Just ask them for a Bang-O clue, then see if they'd like to get some air."

What's Bang-O? It's Bawdy's dirty version of bingo (played before the show and during intermission), where audience members ask each other sex questions, initial the boxes that apply to their sexual experiences or desires, then submit their completed cards for a raffle prize. The point of the game is to get strangers talking - and it works. There's no better way to break the ice than to ask a hottie if she'll initial a card admitting she's into feet.

Rusty Blazenhoff, a Bawdy regular, told a story at a 2008 show while on date with someone else. She met a polyamorous guy who shamelessly flirted with her. Even though Blazenhoff isn't poly, she sent an email to De La Tour asking if she knew who the guy was and if she could get his number. They've been dating off and on for the last seven years.

"Dixie's played matchmaker many times," Blazenhoff said.

And Bawdy won't just get singles laid. If you're actually into the Valentine's Day romance thing and would rather not do dinner and a movie on the 14th - rumor has it that Bawdy gets couples laid, too.

One Bawdy attendee said his wife met a beautiful blonde at a party in San Francisco, but they parted ways without exchanging numbers. Soon after, the couple went to Bawdy to celebrate his birthday, and his wife ran into the blonde.

"They began a mad flirting affair. I was always wondering when they would get together and if I was going to be lucky enough to eventually be invited to join in," Alex said. "After the show that evening, I wandered off to talk to people and get birthday greetings, and my wife came to me and asked if I'd mind inviting someone to spend the night in our hotel room."

So if you don't want to spend your V-Day weekend worrying about what restaurant has the best fondue - then check out Bawdy, listen to stories, and maybe someone will fondue you.

Bawdy Storytelling's Eighth Anniversary, Feb 13, $25-$59. 7:30pm and 10:30pm at the Verdi Club, 2424 Mariposa St. www.verdiclub.net www.bawdystorytelling.com