Madonna Versus Lady Gaga

Okay, if I hear one more 20-something gay guy profess that Lady Gaga is the "new" Madonna; I will seriously lose my collective brown expletive!

This exchange was overheard during a recent "spirited" conversation between me and one such dandy fellow, leaving me nonplussed. It was in reference to how Madonna is only good for "buying children" and "can't sing or act." Then there was the real corker that he had never really listened to her "because she's Madonna!"

Diva smackdown

Oh, really!? Nice blanket statement! And who knew my eyes could roll that far back in my head? It's like saying I hate pickles, (uh, no, pickles are what I meant) having never put my lips around one (again, a pickle is just a pickle). But it did get me to thinking, immediately prompting a slew of questions to rise from the murky depths of my mind: "Isn't there some way for these two musical talents to coexist?" or "Why not a good old fashioned Thunderdome match, where two divas enter and only one leaves to reign supreme?" "What would they wear?" Hey, it's my brain, okay?

Truly and most importantly for me is how to convey that Madonna is still as viable as Gaga. But how to do so...I know! I'll write about it! So here it is, a diva smackdown: I'm probably the one who'll get b**ch slapped for what I am about to say, as I try my damndest to explain that without the chicken hawk (or its female counterpart, the cougar) there wouldn't have been an egg in sight at this year's Grammys!

The Mo’ You Know

I love Madonna so much that I have given her the nickname of Mo. She has been ingrained in my life, ever since our "love affair" began in 1983 and continues to present day-and now beyond, due to her forthcoming you-can-dance-for-inspiration release dropping later this year!

Her persona of this-is-who-I-am-you-can-like-it-or-not resonated with me, along with her take-no-prisoners approach to staying in the limelight. It only wavered once around the time of her Sex book, I didn't need to see her hitching a naked ride. And no, it wasn't because she was starkers-I had seen her Playboy and Penthouse spreads with all that underarm hair, gross. I just don't think Madonna should have to hitchhike. So gauche!

I still can't believe Bruce Willis said on Moonlighting that no one would want her phone number after 1985! Oh, really, Brucie? Just like now when they can't say your name without mentioning your ex and Ashton Kutcher? Oh, you so got served!

The point is, even back then I wondered why anyone would cross one of the most powerful, successful and richest women in showbiz history. I suppose it's because everyone saw her as a flash-in-the-panties performer, with as much staying power as a case of the clap, pre-penicillin. (I've only heard that from other kids!)

Three decades of Madonna

Let me give a stab at it though, for sh*ts and giggles. Besides, she is also a work out, yoga and Pilates fanatic...and she's checking out the bodies and drinking a soy latte, but we won't go there on the rap portion of "American Life," girlfriends. Let's do with two words: Bad. Idea.

Oops, there's a good chance she might either shank me to death with her money clip or give me the squeeze of a lifetime with her freakishly buffed arms or legs.

And, at great personal risk, I know she doesn't chart as high as she once did, (duck!) but I still love her music from all eras, as it reflects the changes in her personal life. (So glad she got divorced and is literally being a boy toy again). That was done to show it's healthy to have a sense of humor about one's favorite female singer. Now back to our program, already in progress.

She has stayed in our collective consciousness for 28 years now, still fascinating almost three decades after she rolled on the floor during her "Like A Virgin" performance at the first MTV Music Awards Show. Also, 20 years have passed since her documentary Truth or Dare afforded us a glimpse into her true persona. (so bitchy, yay!) Yet, her career isn't "just dust," like her graveside observation that "her mother was probably ready for a vacuum"... nice manners Mo.

She's still selling out arenas worldwide; her "Sticky and Sweet Tour" was the highest-grossing female solo concert in history-suck on that, Mr. Dandy. I think that sometimes all of this has left me wanting to yell with clenched fists and gritted teeth, "Hey you kids! Get off my diva lawn!" Those of us who lived through Madonna's heyday clearly remember the collective impact she had on an entire generation that was afraid to face an uncertain future with AIDS looming large on the horizon. Too deep? Too bad! It's the truth, Ruth.

Her safe sex messages in concerts like the "Who's That Girl" Tour and "The Girlie Show," were clear indicators that-while she didn't always practice what her papa didn't preach-Madonna was, and is, concerned about our community.

Surprisingly she is relatively mum, even with her English accent, about what she has done for our community...and she doesn't Lourdes it over our heads that she has been our champion for these many years.

But what of the Lady?

Goo Goo for Gaga?

I'll have to admit something that will dig me deeper into a hole, gay or not. Hold up, like that's a bad thing-I mean, I am cementing my fate with the gays. I said ce-menting, hee hee. I was late in boarding the Lady Gaga train, but "Paparazzi" made me enjoy the ride to Gay Town that she has offered her fans.

So, when she released the single "Born This Way," and it was said to be an homage, (cough, rip off ) to "Express Yourself"...well, it started this whole thought process. Please, don't send her any hate mail...As for me, bring it!

Contrary to my laundry list of what I like about Madonna, I do enjoy Gaga for being herself. And even though all artists do borrow from each other, can you spare a cup of controversy by her trotting out of Madonna's much-loved stunt of using religion to garner publicity? Yup, Gaga is courting said controversy with her turn as Mary Magdalene in her new "Judas" video. Oh, go skin a Muppet! Or don't, as it might give your Little Monsters the wrong idea, like 20-year-old Angelina Barnes who skinned a cat to wear to a recent concert...poor, poor pussycat! Sick! Trust me, my mom wasn't too thrilled when I borrowed her black bra to dress as a Madonna wannabe, it got stretched out... moving along,

Sorry to be a drag or just an "old" queen, but, before I come off as too bitter (little late?), there are some things I am Gaga about with ole' Stefani Germanotta.

There is the empowerment inherent in her music, I love that she won't stand for a "Bad Romance," and that she introduced taking "a ride on a disco stick" into our collective vernacular, and that she has some of the best videos around...even if you spelled bathhouse wrong in the aforementioned romance gone south.

Gaga does have a strong commitment to the gay community and has made it known in interviews that WE made her what she is today. And in turn, she made us shake our money makers at the drop of a hat.

I do have some words of caution about her career trajectory, though. Just be careful on flaming pianos, girl! They burn! Seriously, (no, really) I just worry that Gaga and her meat dresses will shoot their proverbial wads too soon.

Fans are lashing out against her as we "speak," about her new CD cover-what is she, a Transformer? Well, there is more than meets the eye on this one, as she will undoubtedly skirt any major falling out with fans. She has the (ahem) stones to rise above-much like Madonna.

Cut. Print. That's A Wrap!

In a way, I could trot out the old commercial adage of "There's always room for Jell-O," in summarizing why these two can coexist in a modern world. Much like the lime green with pineapple "dessert," perhaps my affinity for Gaga has to thicken upon standing and congeal.

Since I am a die-hard Madonna fan (no, say it ain't so!), this may have clouded my potential love affair with the Lady everyone is Gaga for. That's not to say, I can't "open my heart to me," err, to Gaga, and become a "little monster" to the Nth degree. I am practicing my rah-rah-rahs right now. Until next time, that's all of the news that's fit to print!