Ex-Presidential hopeful John Edwards tearfully told how his upcoming divorce from his wife Elizabeth has torn him apart: "After consulting with my divorce lawyer, ah said, ’And please-keep me abreast about any thang else that ol’ cancerous kook wants.’ Muh lawyer then said, ’If your kook could’ve kept a breast, you wouldn’t be seeing a mistress--or me now."
Singer Roger Daltrey of "The Who" who played during half-time at the Super Bowl, said he too caught the gambling bug at the big game: "Yeah, I put a few quid on the over-under line of 12. The over-under line was which kiddie porn website me band mate, Pete Townsend would visit after the game-would the boys he sees be over or under 12 years? Bloody hell, I lost £50,000 when Pedophile Pete took the under 12 line."
After Sarah Palin was caught with notes written on her hand at a Tea Party convention, her daughter, Willow, declared, "She stole that idea from me." The single mom then showed the palm of her right hand which read: "This time, put condom on dick of high school dropout BEFORE he cums in me-not after!!" and "REMEMBER! GED test on 2/16 (see left hand palm for answers to test)."
Rap star Lil Wayne has gotten a temporary reprieve from jail -- for dental surgery. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance, Jr. was outraged. "Mr. Wayne’s dental surgery redefines redundancy. After all, when he’s in prison, every cavity in his body will be repeatedly filled-and then some."
"The Mountaintop," a play by Katori Hall, is set to open on Broadway this fall. The play re-imagines the events that take place the night before King’s assassination in Memphis in 1968. These events include Martin Luther King calling up two whores to visit him in his Memphis hotel room. After one whore, Falana Lola replies, "Yes, we shall come over," Mr. King ruminates and says to Jesse Jackson "Hmmm...we shall come over....I like most of that...Hey, Jesse. How about our movement’s theme song be ’We Shall Overcome?’" Jesse Jackson: "As long as those hoes don’t tell us ’We Shall Over Charge,’ I’m down with ’overcome.’"
After Kim Kadashian ran out to the football field to congratulate her New Orleans Saint boyfriend, Reggie Bush, on his Super Bowl victory, broadcaster Jim Nantz jokingly asked Reggie, "Who’s easier to score on? Kim or the Colts?" Kim answered, "I’m way easier to score on than the Colts. After all, my wide end zone can fit the entire Colts team and Reggie too."
As the East Coast of the United States get pelted with a blizzard of record proportions, EDGE would like to dedicate our latest edition and first all-video entry in our "Dumb Ass List" series to the tradition of crafting giant penises out of snow.